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A Case for Re-Evaluation

   So all these wildfires have brought a lot of thought to my mind.....it has brought on a strong case of re-evaluation...not just of the little things.....but of the bigger picture of life.  I live on Dictionary Hill in the boondock-ish area known as Spring Valley (The hood....yay yay!  Ha ha).  I have lived here in this same house almost all my life.  This past week.....the Harris fire almost took that and so much more away from me.  The Harris fire raged all over the Otay area and such....slowly coming to Mt. San Miguel (which is basicly accross the street from my house).  The last time Mt. San Miguel was on fire was back in June of '85....and why do I remember this?  Its because it happened the day my baby brother was born.  I went to work at the office Monday morning fully aware that the fires were happening.  I listened to the radio at work as everything progressed. I then had to work at the bank that night.  I got there and called a couple people who I knew whose homes were in the danger zone....checked up on them...then called my parents just to say hi and see what was going on.  Talked to my Dad and he said they were evacuating.  Didn't believe him at first...so I took my celly into the station....and as I started to work....my brother called, then my Mom, then my Dad....so I called them back to find out the evacuation was real.  So I told my manager, closed my stuff, and booked the hell out for home.
     The freeway was empty as I sped home.  When I got into the neighborhood....it was kinda like a ghost town with a few neighbors here and there throwing some last few things into their cars and pulling out of their driveways with a quickness.  I got home and found my parents had already made my brother leave because of his asthma.  My parents were already fully packed....but weren't leaving.  They were refusing to leave because of the dogs. We have a 15 year old....and it would be so hard to transfer her around.  Plus we have the other two dogs.  All of our dogs are large in size.  If we didn't have dogs...my parents would have left.....but because of the difficulty in transporting them....they decided to wait it out at home until we were positive we really had to leave.  So we hosed the house and yard down as much as we could......and watched the activity of the fire from our balcony.  I also packed.  Interesting the things that you pack when it comes down to it.  I think it really says a lot about a person the things you pack when you are pushed with the notion that you are about to lose it all.  The first thing I packed was my laptop (apparently the first thing everyone in my family packed).  The second thing was my camera.  Third, important documents.  Fourth, some extra clothes. Fifth, 2 pillows and a blanket.  Sixth, a book to read.  Seventh, my Game Boy DS and Game Boy Micro (because if I ended up at an evacuation center, I was going to need something to keep my mind busy).  Last, I packed up some food.  And that was all I packed.  I considered packing my Wii, DVDs (all 300 something of them), DVD player, and TV....but realized that I didn't want to be THAT person....yenno....the materialistic one that takes that kinda stuff.  I thought about all my clothes and all the money I spent on them....but still refused to pack them.  At that time..I realized...the most important things to me were already packed....it was my family.  Nothing else really mattered to me as long as they were ok....I could lose it all and be fine....but not them.  In retrospect, I probably should have packed some old photos of my family and the jewelry from my grandmother....but at the time....I really didn't think about it.
     I realized one thing out of this whole ordeal.  In life...we own nothing.  Nothing truly belongs to us. We can have all these things and in the blink of an eye, God can take it all away.  He can even take our life.  Nothing is truly ours to keep.  So in life...we should just do what we can with what we have.....and be happy with that.  Its good to always strive for more...but to always want more and more on the verge of greed and gluttony?  No.  God can take it all away.
     I watched the fire light up the background of Mt. San Miguel that night....then die down. When I thought the worst had passed and that we were clear...I left to go to a friend's to give my lungs a break.  All the ash in the air....I didn't want my bronchitis to act up.  I fell asleep at my friend's for about an hour.  Then around 3 in the morning I get a picture text from Kevin.  It was a picture of the fire coming over Mt. San Miguel.  The picture almost made me cry and I quickly turned on the news.  I sat up and prayed.  At first the only thing I could spit out was "Oh my God, Oh my God,  Oh my God."  repeatedly.  The sight was horrorfying.  The mountain I had gotten so accustomed to glancing upon leisurely and in a relaxing manner was now lit up like lava coming down a volcano.   I was glued to the television....wanting to badly to drive straight home to protect what was mine and fight for it....until they said that the 94 and Jamacha had been closed off.  So I watched anxiously the events that followed and when I thought the roads would be open, I quickly went back home.  I met up with Tony and picked him up.,  We went over to the fire site....as close as we could get....and watched as the helicopters extinguished the fire and saved our homes.  I took some crazy pictures that morning.  Kevin ended up driving by later and saw us....so he pulled over, parked, and joined us.  Atter, we got some of our high school crew together and went out to eat in celebration. Because almost nothing was open, we ended up at Hooters...one of the few places that was open. 
      Those helicopters and the people in them are my heroes.  God forever bless them.  The came about 1 to 1/2 miles to my house,  All it had to do was come up to Jamacha Boulevard and jump it.  From there....Dictionary Hill would have lit up like a Christmas Tree.  In my mind, I remembered images of the Cedar fire jumping the 15....and I imagined the Harris fire jumping Jamacha and placing a Domino effect into motion as it lights up the Eucalyptus trees of Stone Point and rushed its way the top of our hill....taking my home into the mouth of madness.  When something like this happens....and you are at the mercy of mother nature...all you can do is have Faith and pray.  But mother nature didn't take my home.  Thank God for that.
     Thanks to all my friends who called, texted, and e-mailed checking to see how I was doing and if me and my family was ok.  It was all greatly appreciated.  And for those who offered me help in whatever ways you could.....thank you very much for that.  Thank you all for your wishes, prayers, and offers.  You guys are all the best!
    Just because my home is now in the clear doesn't change the fact that people's homes are still being threatened all around San Diego and that many people have already lost their homes.  My hear truly goes out to them.  And even though I now have a sense of relief that my house is now in the clear, I can't help but bear guilty feelings of relief while so many still suffer.  I pray for those whose troubles have not yet passed and I pray even harder for those who disaster has already struck.
    One thing I found unbvelievable was the inhumaness of those who were looting the homes of those who had to evacuate.  If i knew who you were...I would loot your home and then set it on fire.  See how you like that you tools!  In the end...you will get yours.  Believe it. Karma comes around 10 times harder the second round.
     It is funny how things can change so quickly.  The last time I wrote, I wrote about how I was going to LA.  The LA trip was cool.  Everything didn't work out as planned, but I had fun none-the-less.  Me, Steph, and Jay went up to Amala's and kicked it at her new place on Wilshire for the day.  The place is like a Vegas Hotel.  Fountains and waterfalls everywhere.  A business room, a library, a spa, a sauna, a tanning bed, a masseuse, a gym, a yoga instructor, a pool, a jacuzzi, and a bonfire pit.  I'm telling you....Vegas Hotel.  Heh.  That night we went and had dinner at Ketchup (one place I've seen on the Food Network).  It was pretty good...but we got our food so late (due to issues with having such a large party and waiting for everyone) that I could barely eat. After, we hit up Cabana, but due to some misfortunes with the security, we left.  We ended up at Vanguard for a whiles...then me, Steph, and Jay left early and went back to Amala's (without her....hey...it was her birthday....she deserves to be out and we were sooo tired by then) and hit the sack.
     Sunday rolled around and we all slept in....and I mean really slept in.  Then me, Steph, and Amala went over to Target to buy some stuff to decorate her place.  On our way back, we picked up some Cuban food at Versailles (yet another place I've seen on Food Network).  We got back and ate.  I had the lamb....it was great! Then we got to decorating the place.  After, we relaxed and watched I Love New York while we waited for traffic to die down.  Then around 6 we headed home.  Driving through LA....we saw the fires there.  Driving down into Irvine we saw the fires there too.  The Irvine fires prompted me to text Drew and Owen (my Irvine buddies)....but turned out they were down in San Diego.  I told them about the fires and not to head back.  They told me about the fires in San Diego in return.  That was when I learned that San Diego was on fire.  Little did I know at that time just how bad things were.
     Being in LA was very clarifying.  It was good being somewhere else and away from everything in San Diego.  But being there was very reminiscent of a life I once knew.  It was like trying to be re-accustomed to my old life.  I used to live in Irvine....and we used to go to LA all the time to party and such.....frat parties.....dorm parties.....house parties....drink ups.....clubs...raves...whatevers.  I saw places I used to go to.....and places we used to just pass by.  Being at Vanguard brought back memories of my raving days....watching all those e-tards, the lasers, and the light shows.  That was once a life  once knew a long time ago.  One I was glad to have experienced....but would never go back to.  It was fascinating to watch it all go on from the second level of Vanguard......watching this huge crowd like an announcer watching a sports event.  Yep....being in LA is like being re-aquainted with my old life.  Interesting though.
     Well...I'm terribly exhausted right now...so I'm gonna go relax.  I think I'm all caught up to par until now.  So maybe I'll write more tommorrows.  Definitely looking forwards to Vegas this weekend.....because after the past scare from the fires...I need the getaway!  So....bye for now!
*Muahz!* 

Goodbye San Diego!! I'm outta here...

   Yes ladies and gents....I am blowin this popsicle stand and I'm outta here!!  Goodbye San Diego!!  Ha ha.  For the weekend.  Yayuh! I've been saying how I've wanted out of SD for a whiles....and now I'm going.  Steph and I are headed up to LA today for the weekend.  Looking forward to being outta here....in a different evnvironment...around different people....people out of the dayumn San Diego bubble.  Gonna meet up with Steph around 11:30ish....head up to LA.  We gonna do the spa deal...and I'm gonna fix my effin bikini tan line from the Summer before Vegas and Halloween....then we gonna hit up Ketchup and Canbana.  To all the hotties in LA....holla!  Ha ha.
     So things have been going ok the whole week.  Still in think mode regardless.  The last time I wrote was Wednesday....so lets get up to speed.
     Thursday was busy at work....Myra'a baby was sick so we were short a person.  That always makes things hectic....especially for the front because the doctor favors more help in the back than the front.  So yep.  After work I met up with Tweety and we went over to the shooting range in Morena.  I shot a 9mm glock...wasn't very good....the dayumn thing kicks pretty hard and I have no arm or finger strength.  Eh. Also shot a 38 Weston & Smith Snub nose....did much better with that....except for the fact that my fingers are too weak to pull the trigger all the way back so I had to cock it back first then pull the trigger when it was sensitive.  Heh.  I wonder if there are finger work outs I can do?  Lol.  Anyhow....that was fun.  I wanna start going shooting more again.  Total stress reliever.  Afterwards....went to Applebees and grabbed a bite...then parted ways with Tweety.  Then I rolled over to D&B's to meet up with Pat, Yogi, Chella, Beth, Mike, Zal, & Jordan.  Drank up there.  Fight broke out.  We bounced back to the pad.  Couched it at Yogi's that night so that I could wake both Yogi and Mike up for work the next day.
     Work on Friday was a lil hectic....Myra was out again...this time her baby was hospitalized.  Poor thing!  Not only that....Julia was only gonna be there half day because of her graduation ceremony.  So yep.  The IT guy came down and put in the T1.  We'll see by next week if there is a real difference.  After work I did some shopping....went home....got ready.....then cruised over to Yogi's to meet up with the guys.  We hung out there for a bit then went to Prospect Club in La Jolla...which was DEAD.  Thanks Yogi.  The boys were heading to downtown and I decided to go meet up with the B of A crew at Bennigan's...but when I called Alfredo he made it sound like everyone had already left....so I called the boys and went Downtown with them. Zal rode with me and Yogi, Alvin, and Jordan were in the other ride. Zal and I went to Vision's before hitting up Heat where Yogi and the rest were at.
     At Heat...my brother from another mother was spinning the best old school downstairs....mny friends were loving it.  Ha ha.  Saw Ian, JR, and Jordon at Heat too.  Heat was cool...drank a bit...danced a grip....had fun.  Slept at Yogi's....and now here I am at home.
     I realized one thing about myself this past week in comparing myself to other guys.  Tomboys are dead at this age of mine. Well....except for me it seems.  I kick it like a guy....I think like one.....I like to do -ish that mostly guys like to do....yep.  I'm still a tomboy....but there isn't many of us around in my age group I've noticed.  Interesting.  I'm kinda like the girl in the Saving Jane song "Girl Next Door" that plays on my page right now.  I wasn't the prom queen and all that...I've always just been the girl next door.  No one really noticed me back then...I was just that girl.  Heh.  Like I said...I find it all interesting.  And like I said before...it seems like all the traits I possess in high school that made me not a part of the "In Crowd" are not traits that make me more attractive.  Just food for thought.
     Yenno what I find funny?  The -ish that you learn about in the aftermath of something.  When a kind of relationship is over....and the stuff that comes out after its over...man!  Makes me mad.  I wanted to sock someone in the face last night.  But yenno what is good about learning the truth about things that make you sad in the end?  You are always better off knowing the truth.  I think some part of me needed a reason to really let go and not hold onto any notion of hope...a part of me wanted a reason to hate...and last night...I was given that.  By being given that...I have now found release....and that is what I needed the most.  I wanted a reason to hate him so I could forget him...now God has given me just that.  Time to really move on because I can do better.  I deserve better.  This past run on dating truly has left a bitter taste in my mouth though....something I won't forget.  I feel sorry for anyone trying to holler at me now because all my defenses and walls are back up.....I've promised myself to never EVER to let a guy make me cry or to cry over one again.
     Anyhow....I gotta get ready now and finish packing.  I'll write more tommorrow when I get home and update on the haps of my trip.  Bye!!
*MuAhZ!* 

That Which Don't Kills Me....Only Makes Me Stronger....

   I find it interesting how at every point in my life...I find that there is some song around to be like the theme song of my life....and everytime I found a theme song, its the song I would play every morning to motivate myself and the first song when I get in the car.  For a whiles I had my favorite song by The Calling "Wherever You Will Go" playing....then I had "There's Gotta Be More to Life" by Stacey Orrico.....now I have Kanye's "Stronger".  After some of the -ish that I've been going through lately and all the thinking I've been doing...."Stronger" has definitely been my theme song and very uplifting at times.  The song motivates me to keep on trucking with everything that I gotta do.  Even on those mornings when I get up and I just don't wanna get started...it helps me get my day rolling and think that this new day is always gonna be a good one.....because yes.....that which don't kills me, only makes me stronger.
     Life has been treating me pretty good lately....teaching me a lot of new things.  Work has been work....busy and same ol same ol as usual.  I was wishing I had called in sick on Monday though.....could have gone out to party in LA with a friend.  I had a feeling when I woke up that morning that I should have called in.....cuz I just wasn't feeling work that morning.  Oh well....there will be another time maybe....but I just need out of San Diego....but thats a whole different topic. Anyhow....tons of paperwork to take care of at work....that while doing other -ish I gotta do daily, calling all the cancer patients and scheduling their surgeries, all while trying to prepare the office for our State CLIA inspection in November.  At least I got to go to a manager's meeting luncheon today for Sharp Hospital at the Four Points Hotel.  It got me outta the office for a few hours.  That was interesting.  Again....youngest one there.  Eh.  I got to meet the office manager at Dr. Yorobe's though....so now at least I can put a face to a voice on the phone.  I wish they would make us wear name tags saying which office we were from....just so yeah....I can put a face to a voice at each office.  Food was pretty good...I ate a lot as usual.
    On Tuesday night I worked at the bank because I traded Miriam so I wouldn't have to work Friday night.  I was supposed to head out to LA with Steph on Friday night....she decided to just roll up Saturday morning instead.....so now I have Friday night off to chill.....which I love anyways.  I rarely get Friday night off.  So yay for me!! Anyhow....got to talkingto bossman John.  John has been a good friend through all the years I've known him....even before he was manager. Got to talking about my coming of age type thang.  I was talking to him how my birthday got me thinking and how I feel so behind because I'm not at where I thought I would be and I'm not in the same place some of my friends are.  People are settling down and having kids....shoot...my ex's brother sent me a birthday greeting wishing me a happy birthday and to stop partying and get married and have a kid already.  Wow mang.  Like I said....I'm just not there yet.  Shoot...I don't even have a boyfriend...let alone I'm not even dating.  Urrrr.  Anyhow....so I was talking to bossman about all that....and he said turning 30 makes you realize a lot of stuff.  You look back on your life and wonder, "What the hell have I done the passed 30 years?"  He also said that you settle down a lot by the time you turn 30.....cuz in your 20s you are still about going out and partying.  So he told me that I'm not behind and that it'll all come together....and when it does....I'll be mature enough to take it on.  So now....I don't feel so bad.  Thanks John! 
    So lately I've just been chilling at home after work...but I need to be chilling at the gym dayumnit.  Which I will....starting Sunday night. Start fresh day....beginning of the new week.  Gotta bring sexy back!! Ha ha.  Especially with Vegas and Halloween coming up.  Yayuh!!  Being home has been good though.  Chilling with my Nanay and my Pops.....talking about this and that.....telling stories about our day, about work, the fam, etc etc.  Playing with the dog a lot too lately. Been playing with the dog more than I've been playing Wii surprisingly.  Even more so....just been watching a bunch of DVDs.
    Tommorrow I'll be going shooting with Tweety.  We going somewhere around Sea World when I get off work.  I'm thinking its the place in Morena where I used to go with my Pops back in the day.....and then Louie when we would go all the time before me and Jon were together. Anyhow...looking forward to going shooting...relieve some effin stress.  Yenno??  I just need to do relaxing activities...which strangely I find shooting one.  What I really need to do is go fishing...and I keep telling the guys we should go deep sea....I'll get them one day.  Can't wait for the cold camping trip with the high school crew though in November.  That ought to be nice...and relaxing....no stressful hiking.  Ha ha.
       This weekend I'll be going to LA with Steph.  Definitely looking forward to that and getting the hell out and away from San Diego....for at least 2 days....yenno? Tired of this scene gosh dayumnit.  I know one day though I'm gona end up in OC...cuz when I do my masters....the school I want to go to is up there....and then when I'm in OC I'll miss SD.....but for now....I;m sick of SD.  Bleh.  I don't really care where I go....I just need away.  Makes me even happier that I'll be going to Vegas not this weekend, but the weekend after that.  That is definitely gonna rock.  I desperately want to go to New York though....because I just love New York.  I think its about high time I pay my cuzzo a visit out there. Yayuh!
     Anyways...gonna go read some of the book that has been taking me forever and a day to read.  So...maybe I'll write more laters....we'll see.  Bye for now! 

Back To My Norms & Dayumn Happy About It

    After weeks of wallowing in the muck and being down, out, and depressed...I'm finally over it.  It took some time, good talks with my friends, a lot of prayer, extra visits to church, lots of private conversations with God, some alone time, a lot of contemplation, and working massive over time at work to keep my mind busy.....but I'm over it.  This past week I worked both jobs every single day because of the stupid fake holiday of Columbus day.  To top it off....I wasn't feeling to well and thought I may have been coming down with a bad cold.  So the whole week I was pretty much feeling run down and in a foul mood.
     Then friday came...and I woke up and felt differently.  I felt like a weigh had been taken off of my shoulders.  So I actually went into work that day happy and upbeat.  Work at the office went ok.....and then I had to work at the bank....which was the same ol same ol.  Julian and Willie are now gone...so it was a lot quieter and less entertaining for me now since my "brothers" are gone.  Sat across from the boss man and made fun of him half the time until he told me I was too slow and had to show him I still got the speed in me.  Good thing Billy brought me and Nino Starbucks!  Yay for Billy!  Anyhow...we got off kinda late still.  On the drive home is when "it" finally came.....I finally exhaled.  Yenno....that deep breath that it feels like you were holding inside of you for so long when you are depressed and stressed out.  I was on the 15 south connector to the 805 south/94 east.....I was coming around the curve when it came out of me....and it felt so good....I was happy again.  I felt like myself.  This whole weekend so far has just been a reaffirmation of the fact that I am back to being me and back to being normal.
     Friday night I went out to Aurbergine's with Tony.  MC Hammer was there for the Asian Film Festival special event deal they were doing there.  We got in free because of this 93.3 text message thing that April told me to do.  Saw Gino, Sammy, Drew, and Bryner there.  Ran into James Aguimatang there too.  Saw some dude who looked fmailiar and said hi to me....but I couldn't remember his name to save my life.  Saw Danny there too....haven't seen since I was with Thy...which was like 4 years ago.  Heh.  Afterwards, headed over to Vision with Tony, Sammy, Gino, Drew, and Bryner.....we all walked over there despite the rain.....which I never mind being in the rain....I actually love walking in the rain...so yep.  On the way to Visions...had a mini talk with Sammy after I had announced to all them that me and Clay are no more.  So Sammy and me had a mini talk (just the two of us) discussing things and relationships and such on the way to Visions while everyone trailed behind us.  Got to Visions and Derek is at the door (the guy who remembered me from Monte Vista).  Got in and who was the first familiar face I see??  Hoa!!!  Ha ha....haven't seen him since I ran into him and his girl wandering around downtown over the Summer.  Lac, Chan, Andy and all the guys were there....so I had lots to say hi to.....faces I had been forced to stay away from in order to respect the space of my ex boyfriend....but he moved to Vegas anyways...so now its all good.  Lac kept telling guys to stay away from me and pretending I was his ex girlfriend.  Darryl, Dhore, Richie and their girls were all there with Kris, Deo, Sheila, & Rini in tow. Shawn, Jordon, RJ, and Ian were all there too.  So yep...a lot of heads were at Visions.....so I ejoyed socializing with all the different groups.  Had fun....got kinda drunk....so it was all good.  Afterwards we ate at JVs with the high school crew.
     Saturday I was chilling at home in bed all morning.  Then I got a call from Steph and she wanted to go dress shopping...so I eventually got ready and went to meet up with her.  We had some serious "life talks" and hit up downtown.  Steph found a dress for next weekend...I bought a dress and a tank top....but still need to find something for next weekend.  Ha. Yeah....next weekend we are doing an LA trip....which is good.,.,because like I've said....I need it....I just need out of San Diego.....I need something different.  So I'll find a dress by the weekend...no worries there.  After shopping and grubbin on some Thai food with Steph and Anthony downtown....went back to my car and then rolled over to Pat and Yogi's.  Played video games with Mike's son, Marcus for a whiles.  Pat left to go to "Walmart" dressed up all pretty with a backpack in tow...ha ha.  Silly guy on the down low.  Eventually Yogi cooked up some tilapia and we ate raw oysters.  Beth and Zal came over.  Later Mike and I went out for some beers while Marcus was knocked out.  We all drank up for a whiles there....then Zal and Yogi headed out to downtown first.  Beth and I waited for Rodel....then we left Mike and Marcus at the pad.  We got t downtown....met up with Michelle at Ben's and hit up the bar next door.  Then we it up Vision's (damn....2 night in a row there for me).  Vision's was cool....I wanted Rod and Michelle to be able to drink...so I said I would drive.  So I cut myself off from hard lac and stuck to beer because I can handle large amounts of beer and driving....hard lac gets a little more complicated.  So yep.  Everyone got pretty butt drunk and we had a good time.  Everyone pretty much crashed out at Pat and Yogi's.
     So here I am now....just chillin at home.  I've decided to go to church later on tonight.  So my plan is to get ready now...run some errands....then take my dog to the park....then hit up church tonight and call it a day.
     So yeah....that was my weekend.  It has been a good weekend.....it felt like a reaffirmation to myself that my life is back to being my life....that I'm back to that time earlier this year where I was happy, single, and didn't give a fuck about guys. Talking with Beth last night...we just kept saying "fuck guys" the whole time....the two of us are just in the same place right now when it comes to that.....so there isn't much one can do about that. Yenno?  So its all about me right now.  I'm happy to have plans for the next 3 weekends....because like I said....I just needed to get back to being me.  Next weekend I'm going to LA with Steph.  The weekend after we are going to Vegas for Beth's birthday.  The weekend after that is Beth, Rod, and Chella's birthday deal at Stingaree.  But to put things straight...I am NOT a party girl....I go out because it gives me something to do.  In reality....I prefer to just stay home and watch DVDs and play video games...I'm just tired of doing it alone....so that's why I stay home and do that during the weekdays and then go out and socialize on the weekends.  Doing the same thing all week kinda kills it....yenno?  But witht he weather being how it is right now...it makes it real easy to just stay home an snuggled and warm in bed...ha ha.
     This week I got a lot of stuff to do.  Gotta work on school paperwork and do a little bit of shopping.  So yeah.  Gonna make some breakfast now...get ready and begin my day.  Maybe I'll write more laters when I'm bored....but bye for now!!

Happy 27th Birthday To Me!!

Happy 27th Birthday to me!!
Time to revamp and re-evaluate.

    I'm officially past my mid twenties and am now rearing on my late 20's....on the push towards 30.  Talking with some of my friends from high school (and being the baby of the group) I find that I am nowhere where I thought I would be by 27.  In high school I thought I would have been at a certain point in my life by the age of 27 and be settled in so many different ways.  Instead...I find that I'm not.  And how is one to deal with that?
     So for my 27th Birthday....on Friday the 5th I drank up with the high school guys at Yardhouse into my birthday.  My cousin Vince and Laurie came by and got me a drink.  It was good seeing them.  But the talks with the guys was interesting as well.  Talked about which age in our 20's we liked and such.  Saturday night I met up with Steph and Sue Ann at Martini Ranch....had a drink there....then we moved on to On Broadway to meet up with Steph's friends instead of Ivy as we had planned.  On Broadway was cool.  We partied in the VIP booth with Lil Scrappy & T Pain (who were in town for the Dub car show on Sunday).  Steph's homie Anthony was on a mission to get me drunk.  The night was all good and fun all in all....except for the instead with these stupid girls in the line to the hip hop room...I was way to close to beating their asses....but yeah.  Woke up Sunday with a headache and spent Sunday in rehab in my bed.  Ha ha.  Well...Happy Birthday to me.  All the Birthday wishes from everyone was great....too bad all y'all went to Vegas.  Grrr.  But its cool.
     So yeah....I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.  A lot of soul searching and such.  For my 27th I made one resolution.  I have officially sworn off guys and dating until I get into nursing school.....and from there...if I ever get in....I'll play from ear from there if I'm gonna swear them off until I graduate.  Yenno.....after everything that has happened and developed within the last few weeks....I've had a lot to think about.  I've concluded that I've got to be selfish and make everything be all about me right now.  I need to focus on my goal and not let anything blind sight me right now.  Focus focus focus.  I have got to reach my goal....and I'm sick of San Diego and the guys here and this whole bubble that we all seem to be stuck in where everyone knows everyone and all social circles intertwine in some way.  It almost seems best to date someone out of town so that you won't have to worry about seeing them every day or putting up with the bullshit.....so that the time you do get to spend together is that much better.  But anyways....I don't give a dayumnn if Mr. Perfect falls in my lap right now and stares me in the face.....I've sworn to give up guys and dating until I get into nursing school and that is that.  Done deal.  I just want to get back to that period in my life....those months earlier this year where I was happy and dandy just kicking it with my friends and being single and free.,  So....that is my plan right now.
     I really need to get back into playing the piano though.  I need to stop working so dayumn much and come home and just play my heart out.  I need to make time for the things I used to love to do.  Sketching at Balboa Park.  Doing my photography shots all over San Diego.  Stuff like that.  That is another problem of mine.  I get so wrapped up in work that it has become my life.  I need to quit that and re-focus.  My work is stressing me out (along with other things in my life).  I'm losing weight....I'm smoking more....I just need to take a step back from it all....get down to some alone time and re-introduce myself to my artsy fartsy side.  And I need to quit talking and writing about it and truly just do it.  I know I've kept myself at home and locked in my room after work for the past how many weeks....but I need to get out and do some alone time and find myself again.
     Being my birthday and all recently....I started thinking about qualities that truly make me a Libra.  They say Libras are diplomatic, charming, romantic, sociable, and idealistic.  These features make Libras very creative and wonderful artists.  Being an artist....I've found that I don't feel things the same way that other people do.  Artists tend to feel every emotion to the extreme....enveloping themselves in it....and therefor driving their artistic creativity.  I guess that's why in my writing, my music, my drawing, and my photographs.....you can feel what I am feeling at the time because I pour my soul into my art.
     In the October issue of Glamour, they described Libras as "You're classic in beauty and style--and quietly balanced in life.  You don't chase; you attract.  Though calm and collected on the outside, you're sometimes selfish and cannot make up your mind to save your life."  I found that pretty interesting because I could see myself in that. Funny sometimes reading about how your zodiac affects who you are.  Heh.
    One thing that I have discovered about myself is something I find kinda intriguing.  The qualities about myself that made me different from the norm in high school and more of an outsider are now now qualities that people find most attractive about me now.  I have always spent my life dancing to my own beat, regardless of what other's have said.  Now in my life, I not only dance to my own beat...I create my own beat and dance to it at the same time.  I was never into the girly things like sleep overs, gossip sessions, love songs, and make-up.  I was into being outdoors, playing sports, playing video games, and such.  These qualities made me a tom-boy and not the most ideal girl.  Now...these qualities have seemed to make me more attractive, while in high school it made me "different" or "wierd".  Hmmmm.  Interesting.
    Well...anyways...that is all for now....just wanted to get all that out.  Had a long day at work today and I have a long week ahead of me. So for now...I say good night.